Top 10 Reasons Your Houseplant Hates You (And May Be Plotting a Slow, Leafy Revenge)
Chip ByteleyThink your fiddle leaf fig is just being dramatic when those leaves start drooping? Wrong. Those are silent screams of…
Read MoreThe Introvert’s Guide to Socializing: Tips for Surviving Parties, Small Talk, and the Dreaded “So, What Do You Do?” Question
If the idea of mingling sends shivers down your spine, you’re not alone. For us introverts, social gatherings can feel…
Read MoreDictionary Adds New Meaning to ‘Adulting’: Just Barely Functioning
Forget paying bills on time or doing your own taxes – the dictionary has officially lowered the bar for adulthood.…
Read MoreLatest Diet Trend: ‘Air-Only’ Fast Claims to Detoxify Body, Wallet, and Social Life
Forget juice cleanses and cabbage soup diets; there’s a new sheriff in the weight-loss world, and it’s lighter than air…literally.…
Read MoreGlobal Conference on Procrastination Postponed Again
In what is becoming a recurring theme, the highly anticipated Global Conference on Procrastination has been postponed once more, setting…
Read MoreFDA Approves Photosynthesis as Dietary Supplement
Polly TickleIn a groundbreaking decision that’s got everyone from nutritionists to houseplants buzzing, the FDA has approved photosynthesis as an official…
Read MoreIn Effort to Reduce Commutes, Tesla Consider Moving Offices to Employee Living Rooms
In an unprecedented bid to annihilate the daily commute once and for all, Tesla has announced a groundbreaking new strategy:…
Read MorePsychologists Warn of New Disorder: Wordle Withdrawal Symptoms Include Random Letter Shouting
The seemingly innocuous daily word puzzle, Wordle, has become a surprising global obsession, sweeping across nations and burrowing into our…
Read MoreNew York Mayor Suggests Marathon Running as New Transport Network
From Traffic Jams to Running Clans – Extended Edition The recent announcement by the Mayor of New York City to…
Read MoreThe Guide to Pretending You Understand the Stock Market
In today’s world, where stock market trends like Bitcoin and GameStop dominate conversations from water coolers to dinner tables, the…
Read MoreLocal Man Shocked to Discover His Opinions Not Considered Facts
In a stunning turn of events that surprised literally no one else, Bernard Finch, a man who frequently wears socks…
Read MoreClimate Change Deniers Offered Housing in Maldives
In a move that’s either brilliant or utterly insane (depending on who you ask), the island nation of Maldives has…
Read MoreWorld’s Billionaires Race to Escape Earth: ‘It’s Not You, It’s Us’
In an unfolding drama that feels more like a cosmic soap opera than reality, the world’s billionaires are in a…
Read MorePlants Feel Pain: The End of Vegetarianism As We Know It?
Crustian Satirical Daily News (CSDN) – In a revelation that has shaken the foundations of dietary ethics worldwide, a groundbreaking…
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Study Finds 9 Out of 10 People Believe They’re the Exception to the Rule
In what can only be described as a blow to collective humility, a groundbreaking new study has revealed a staggering…
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