Valve Confirms: Your Steam Games Will Be Supported in the Afterlife
Chip ByteleyIn a surprising move that blurs the line between the digital and the divine, Valve has announced that gamers need…
Read MoreApple’s Rumoured AirTag 2 Set to Revolutionize the Stalking Industry
Polly TickleThe Crustian Daily has learned of rumors suggesting that Apple’s upcoming AirTag 2 will introduce groundbreaking features set to revolutionize…
Read MoreIsrael: “All Efforts Were Made to Prevent Civilian Life”
In a statement that has sent shockwaves through the international community, the Israeli government declared that “all efforts were made…
Read MoreHow Wagner Makes French Troops Look Competent: A Masterclass in Mismanagement
In a move that has left international observers scratching their heads, the government of Mali decided to replace the French…
Read MoreHead of Lettuce Considers Rejoining UK Politics, Expected to Run as Independent
In a surprising twist that has left the British political scene in stitches, the infamous Head of Lettuce, which famously…
Read MoreFuture iPhones to Automatically Delete Neglected Contacts
In a move guaranteed to either streamline your life or trigger an existential crisis about the fleeting nature of modern…
Read MoreFact-Checking Now Considered Physical Assault in Texas
In an unexpected twist of legislative creativity, Texas has taken the bold step of redefining reality itself. A newly passed…
Read MoreHundreds of Thousands of ‘Anti-Semitic’ Jewish People Protest War in Tel Aviv
In a remarkable and somewhat paradoxical turn of events, Tel Aviv has witnessed its largest anti-war demonstration to date, with…
Read MoreChinese Military Wraps Up Invasion Practice, World Watches Anxiously
In a display of military might that has sent ripples across the globe, the Chinese military has concluded its latest…
Read MoreNicki Minaj Arrested at Schiphol Airport, Claims ‘Snoop Dogg Told Me It Was Okay’
DominickIn a headline that has taken the entertainment world by storm, rapper Nicki Minaj was arrested at Amsterdam’s Schiphol Airport…
Read MoreBiden to Release All ‘Low-Level’ Murderers, Claims “No Equivalence with Serial Killers”
In a controversial and unprecedented move, President Joe Biden has announced plans to release all “low-level” murderers, arguing that their…
Read MoreUS Census to Include Questions on Netflix Viewing Habits to Better Understand Population Trends
The next time you gear up for a marathon streaming session, remember this: The US Census Bureau might be taking…
Read MoreRishi Sunak Declares Government to Be Disbanded to Avoid Election Loss
In a move that has left political pundits and the general public equally baffled, Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has announced…
Read MoreIreland to Repurpose Israeli Embassy to House Homeless
In a surprising and symbolic gesture, the Irish government has announced plans to repurpose the soon-to-be-vacated Israeli Embassy building in…
Read MoreUSA and Russia Find Common Ground: Both Denounce ICC as “Inconvenient”
In a surreal twist of global politics, the United States and Russia have found themselves in rare agreement over a…
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