Social Media Influencers to Be Granted Diplomatic Immunity in Switzerland
Polly TickleIn a move that blurs the lines between online clout and political power, Switzerland, known for its neutrality and fondness…
Read MoreGOP Proposes Bill to Outsource Governmental Roles to Russia, Cites ‘Unmatched Efficiency’
The GOP has introduced a groundbreaking bill that proposes outsourcing key governmental roles and responsibilities to Russia, citing “unmatched efficiency”…
Read MoreGlobal Leaders Announce Ambitious Plan to Solve World Hunger by Misplacing Another Continent
In a bold move that has left cartographers and global citizens alike scratching their heads, world leaders have unveiled their…
Read MoreDemocrats Hope To Turn Tide on Border Security by Literally Doing Nothing
In a move so bewildering that it’s left political commentators gazing at their navels in wonder, the Democratic Party has…
Read MoreSelf-Proclaimed Minimalist’s Home Filled with Curated Collections of “Essential” Objects
In a development that challenges the very concept of “less is more,” self-proclaimed minimalist Emily has found herself the unwitting…
Read MorePhD Required to Operate New Mcdonalds Ice Cream Machines, Says Manufacture
Chip ByteleyForget a simple instruction manual—McDonald’s infamous ice cream machines are about to become significantly less approachable. The manufacturer, in a…
Read MoreNew Diet Requires Eating Only Foods That Match Your Outfit
In a move destined to confuse both fashionistas and nutritionists, a new fad diet is turning meal planning into a…
Read MoreIsrael’s Ceasefire Strategy: Agree in Principle, Decline in Practice
In a striking display of diplomatic dexterity, Israel’s approach to ceasefire negotiations could best be described as “Agree in Principle,…
Read MoreIsrael Officials Accuse Joe Biden of Being Hamas Member
In a stunning development that has rocked international politics, Israeli officials have made the shocking claim that U.S. President Joe…
Read MoreAmerica’s ‘Surprise’ Routine Wears Thin as Ally Ignores Ceasefire Pleas
In an all-too-familiar scenario, America’s feigned shock has once again graced international headlines as its closest ally, Israel, dismisses yet…
Read MoreLocal Man Declares Himself “Lord of the Flame”, Demands Tribute in Perfectly Cooked Sausages
In a small suburban town, an unparalleled obsession with grilled delicacies has taken root, creating a bizarre and surprisingly fierce…
Read MoreStudent Caught Bribing Janitor for “Strategic” Classroom Cleaning During Test
Finals Week at Winthrop University, traditionally a time of academic culminations and nerve-wracking revisions, has this year turned into the…
Read MoreIsrael Was Enthusiastic About Ceasefire, Until It Was Time to Cease Fire
In an unforeseen twist that shocked precisely nobody, the Israeli government’s enthusiasm for a ceasefire in the ongoing Rafah conflict…
Read MoreTikTok Eyes Divine Intervention to Dodge U.S. Legal Hellfire
In an unexpected move that has shaken the pillars of both Silicon Valley and St. Peter’s Basilica, TikTok has announced…
Read MoreHealth Officials Recommend Standing Desks for All Restaurant Dining
In a surprising twist to dining conventions, health officials have made a bold new recommendation: all restaurant dining should be…
Read More