New Tesla Update Forces Crashes to Teach Drivers a Lesson
Chip ByteleyIn a shocking new update, Tesla has reportedly introduced a feature that forces drivers into controlled crashes, all in the…
Read MoreElon Musk and Donald Trump to Escape to Mars if Kamala Wins
Polly TickleThe 2024 election could be the most consequential in history—literally out of this world, if the latest rumors are to…
Read MoreUS Military Stocks Up on Sticks and Stones in Preparation for WW4
In an unprecedented move that has left military analysts scratching their heads, the United States Army has announced it is…
Read MoreStudy Finds 90% of Online Arguments Solved by Agreeing to Disagree
In a revelation that could revolutionize keyboard warfare as we know it, a recent study conducted by the Institute of…
Read MoreRussian Military Requests Aid from Irish Fishermen as Ukrainian Forces Threaten Crimea
In a bizarre twist to the ongoing conflict between Russia and Ukraine, the beleaguered Russian military has reportedly turned to…
Read MoreIsrael Successfully Converts Millions of Jews to Zionism
In a calculated move that has sent shockwaves through Jewish communities worldwide, Israel has effectively replaced traditional Judaism with a…
Read MoreParents Find Son Missing Since Start of Pandemic While Decluttering Basement
Liv N. LargeSpringfield, IL — A local family made a shocking discovery this week after deciding to finally tackle their pandemic clutter:…
Read MoreLocal Man, 30, Still Waiting for His Hogwarts Letter
In a small, rather unremarkable town that could be anywhere but is nowhere near the hidden twists and turns of…
Read MoreRepublicans Declare Masturbation a Form of Abortion
In a bold move that has left hands across America either clasped in prayer or firmly in pockets, the Republican…
Read MoreWe Want a Ceasefire, Says Country Supplying the Bombs
Washington, D.C. — In a move that has left the world both confused and amused, the United States has issued…
Read MoreElon Musk Reveals Plans to Host Cabaret Show on X
Austin, TX — Just when you thought the world of tech couldn’t get any weirder, Elon Musk has announced his…
Read MoreBomb Craters in Kursk Barely Noticeable Due to Russia’s Preexisting Infrastructure Woes
Kursk, Russia — In what might be the most anticlimactic invasion in recent history, Ukrainian forces found that their bombardment…
Read MoreExxonmobil Develops Plastic-Eating Fish to Save the Oceans
Houston, TX — In what the company is hailing as a revolutionary environmental breakthrough, ExxonMobil has announced the development of…
Read MoreKids Sue Parents for Bringing Them Into This Mess Without Permission
Los Angeles, CA — In what legal experts are calling the most ambitious lawsuit since someone tried to trademark the…
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Nicotine-Flavored Broccoli Proposed as Teen Vaping Deterrent
In what might be the most 21st-century twist in the tale of vaping regulations, governments from every corner of the…
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