Dictionary Adds New Meaning to ‘Adulting’: Just Barely Functioning
Chip ByteleyForget paying bills on time or doing your own taxes – the dictionary has officially lowered the bar for adulthood.…
Read MoreLatest Diet Trend: ‘Air-Only’ Fast Claims to Detoxify Body, Wallet, and Social Life
Forget juice cleanses and cabbage soup diets; there’s a new sheriff in the weight-loss world, and it’s lighter than air…literally.…
Read MoreUltra-Orthodox Jews in Israel to Launch New Fitness Craze: Dodging the Draft
Polly TickleIn a bid to blend tradition with the modern world’s obsession with fitness, Israel’s Ultra-Orthodox community has unveiled a groundbreaking…
Read MoreGlobal Conference on Procrastination Postponed Again
In what is becoming a recurring theme, the highly anticipated Global Conference on Procrastination has been postponed once more, setting…
Read MoreFDA Approves Photosynthesis as Dietary Supplement
In a groundbreaking decision that’s got everyone from nutritionists to houseplants buzzing, the FDA has approved photosynthesis as an official…
Read MoreIn Effort to Reduce Commutes, Tesla Consider Moving Offices to Employee Living Rooms
In an unprecedented bid to annihilate the daily commute once and for all, Tesla has announced a groundbreaking new strategy:…
Read MoreInternational Space Station To Open Luxury Hotel Wing
In a groundbreaking endeavor that challenges the conventions of luxury travel, the International Space Station is poised to introduce its…
Read MoreResearchers Discover That Cats Can See WiFi Signals
In a stunning revelation that’s sending shockwaves through both the tech and pet communities, researchers at the University of Silicon…
Read MoreUK Explores Migrant Expulsions to Narnia
LONDON – In a move that would leave even C.S. Lewis scratching his head, the UK Home Office is reportedly…
Read MorePsychologists Warn of New Disorder: Wordle Withdrawal Symptoms Include Random Letter Shouting
The seemingly innocuous daily word puzzle, Wordle, has become a surprising global obsession, sweeping across nations and burrowing into our…
Read MoreGaza’s Latest Truce Proposal Includes Bong Session Between Leaders, World Leaders Skeptical
In a bold move that has left the international community both perplexed and mildly amused, Gaza’s latest proposal for a…
Read MoreTrump and Musk to Launch Joint Venture: Making Mars Great Again
Former U.S. President Donald Trump and billionaire space aficionado Elon Musk have announced a joint venture that is literally out…
Read MoreRishi Sunak Declares Democracy at Risk, Suggests British Tea Might Be the Solution
UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has declared democracy itself to be under siege. However, his proposed remedy to this existential…
Read MoreNew York City to Replace Streetlights with Bioluminescent Trees to Save on Electricity
In an eco-friendly yet possibly misguided effort to save on electricity, New York City has announced a groundbreaking plan to…
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Study Finds 9 Out of 10 People Believe They’re the Exception to the Rule
In what can only be described as a blow to collective humility, a groundbreaking new study has revealed a staggering…
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