New Canadian Safety Law Requires Pedestrians to Wear Helmets
Polly TickleIn a bold move that has safety experts nodding in helmets of approval and fashionistas recoiling in horror, Canada has…
Read MoreElon Musk Pledges to End Homelessness by Purchasing the Moon
In a stunning announcement that left both astronomers and economists scratching their heads, tech magnate Elon Musk has declared his…
Read MoreLegal Experts Baffled as Trump Attempts to Plead ‘Alternative Innocence’
In an unprecedented twist in courtroom strategy, former President Donald Trump has introduced a novel legal concept that has left…
Read MoreBen Gvir Announces Concept of Food Aid as a Hamas Ideal
In a twist that could vex even the most astute satirist, Israeli National Security Minister Itamar Ben Gvir’s latest proclamations…
Read MoreNeuralink Update Includes Mandatory Volunteer Signup for Mars Colonization
Chip ByteleyIn a bold move that blurs the lines between cutting-edge technology and interplanetary draft, Elon Musk’s Neuralink has announced its…
Read MoreVoting to be available via TikTok Polls in Bold Move to Increase Youth Turnout
In a bid to make democracy more “lit” and significantly boost youth voter turnout, authorities have announced a revolutionary new…
Read More‘None of the Above’ Winning in Early Polls
In an unprecedented twist that has both political analysts and satirists rubbing their hands with glee, early polls across the…
Read More30,000 Dead, Israel Competing In ‘Olympics of Accusation’
In a perpetual tableau of sorrow, one that seems to loop endlessly across the timeline of recent history, the streets…
Read MoreSelective Memory Syndrome Strikes Global Leaders Following Iranian Retaliation
In what appears to be a sudden outbreak of Selective Memory Syndrome (SMS), world powers have conveniently forgotten recent provocations…
Read MoreNATO Increases Donations of ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ to Ukraine
In a groundbreaking move that’s set the international stage abuzz, NATO has reportedly ramped up its contributions to Ukraine, not…
Read MoreIsraeli Property Developers Excited for New Gazan Prospects
In a surprising turn of events that has left the international community both baffled and intrigued, Israeli property developers have…
Read MoreThe Guide to Pretending You Understand the Stock Market
In today’s world, where stock market trends like Bitcoin and GameStop dominate conversations from water coolers to dinner tables, the…
Read MoreLocal Man Shocked to Discover His Opinions Not Considered Facts
In a stunning turn of events that surprised literally no one else, Bernard Finch, a man who frequently wears socks…
Read MoreCorporate Meeting Declared New Form of Human Torture by UN
The United Nations has officially classified long corporate meetings as a new form of human torture. This declaration came after…
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Senate Introduces Bill to Make ‘Unfollowing’ Politicians on Social Media a Federal Offense
In a daring leap towards what can only be described as “compulsory digital loyalty,” the U.S. Senate has unveiled legislation…
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