Neuralink Update Includes Mandatory Volunteer Signup for Mars Colonization
Chip ByteleyIn a bold move that blurs the lines between cutting-edge technology and interplanetary draft, Elon Musk’s Neuralink has announced its…
Read More‘None of the Above’ Winning in Early Polls
Polly TickleIn an unprecedented twist that has both political analysts and satirists rubbing their hands with glee, early polls across the…
Read More30,000 Dead, Israel Competing In ‘Olympics of Accusation’
In a perpetual tableau of sorrow, one that seems to loop endlessly across the timeline of recent history, the streets…
Read MoreSelective Memory Syndrome Strikes Global Leaders Following Iranian Retaliation
In what appears to be a sudden outbreak of Selective Memory Syndrome (SMS), world powers have conveniently forgotten recent provocations…
Read MoreNATO Increases Donations of ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ to Ukraine
In a groundbreaking move that’s set the international stage abuzz, NATO has reportedly ramped up its contributions to Ukraine, not…
Read MoreIsraeli Property Developers Excited for New Gazan Prospects
In a surprising turn of events that has left the international community both baffled and intrigued, Israeli property developers have…
Read MoreThe Guide to Pretending You Understand the Stock Market
In today’s world, where stock market trends like Bitcoin and GameStop dominate conversations from water coolers to dinner tables, the…
Read MoreLocal Man Shocked to Discover His Opinions Not Considered Facts
In a stunning turn of events that surprised literally no one else, Bernard Finch, a man who frequently wears socks…
Read MoreCorporate Meeting Declared New Form of Human Torture by UN
The United Nations has officially classified long corporate meetings as a new form of human torture. This declaration came after…
Read MoreIran and Israel Commit to Peaceful Explosions in Joint Effort to Avoid Escalation
In an unprecedented move that has left the global stage both baffled and intrigued, officials from Iran and Israel have…
Read MoreUS Requests ‘Polite’ Missile Exchange Between Israel and Iran to Keep Things Civil
In a daring blend of diplomacy and daytime drama, the United States has reportedly asked Iran to entertain a ‘polite’…
Read MoreBillionaires’ New Space Race: First to Open an Exclusive Resort on the Moon
The world’s billionaires have shifted their competitive focus from terrestrial achievements to celestial conquests. The latest endeavor? Establishing the first-ever…
Read MoreClimate Change Deniers Offered Housing in Maldives
In a move that’s either brilliant or utterly insane (depending on who you ask), the island nation of Maldives has…
Read MoreWorld Leaders Redefine ‘Self-Defense’ to Exclude Certain Countries on the Map
In a stunning revision of geography and international law, world leaders convened this week to redraw the boundaries of where…
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Voting to be available via TikTok Polls in Bold Move to Increase Youth Turnout
In a bid to make democracy more “lit” and significantly boost youth voter turnout, authorities have announced a revolutionary new…
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