Machine Gun Journalism: The New Frontier of War Reporting
Polly TickleIn a world where danger zones seem to be multiplying faster than clickbait headlines, war journalism is entering a bold,…
Read MoreEgypt Strikes $8 Billion Deal with IMF: Plans to Invest in Pyramid Schemes
Egypt has secured an $8 billion IMF bailout package and has hinted at a shockingly unconventional investment strategy: pyramid schemes.…
Read MoreTech Company Celebrates International Women’s Day by Developing App That Detects Workplace Sexism with 50% Accuracy
Chip ByteleyIn a move heralded as either “sorta progressive?” or “deeply misguided,” tech startup InnoBros Inc. celebrated International Women’s Day by…
Read MoreCelebrate Women in the Workplace! Businesses Announce “Radical” Initiative Where Women Receive Full Credit… For One Day
In a corporate gesture so patronizing it borders on performance art, businesses worldwide are marking International Women’s Day with a…
Read MoreMexico’s Presidential Palace Door Knocked Down: Protesters Claim They Were Just Looking for the Bathroom
Mexico City awoke to a scene straight out of a slapstick comedy (or a particularly ill-planned coup attempt). The once-imposing…
Read MoreGlobal Corporations Celebrate International Women’s Day by Giving Female Employees 23% Off Work Emails
In a display of corporate feminism that’s as insulting as it is mathematically infuriating, multinational corporations are marking International Women’s…
Read MoreFor International Women’s Day, World Leaders Agree to Swap Roles with Women, Anticipate Global Improvement by Noon
for International Women’s Day world leaders have unanimously agreed to step aside and let women run the show. Expectations are…
Read MoreFor International Women’s Day, World Agrees to Pretend Gender Pay Gap Is Just a Mythical Creature
In a heartwarming display of international cooperation, world leaders have come together this International Women’s Day to announce a groundbreaking…
Read MorePresident Biden Uses State of the Union to Unveil New Age-Defying Cream: Promises to Reduce National Debt and Wrinkles
In a history-making (or wrinkle-reducing?) address, President Biden addressed the nation last night, tackling two of America’s most pressing concerns:…
Read MoreNikki Haley Exits Presidential Race, Says She Misread ‘Run for President’ as ‘Run from President’
Nikki Haley, former UN Ambassador and once a promising contender for the Republican presidential nomination, has announced her abrupt withdrawal…
Read MoreFormula 1 Teams Consider Racing on Magic Carpets for Improved Aerodynamics
In a move that’s either inspired, completely insane, or perhaps both, Formula 1 teams are investigating a radical new approach…
Read MoreStrikes Paralyze German Transport: Nation Reverts to Horse and Buggy
In a scene straight out of a history book, a nationwide German transport strike has crippled the usually hyper-efficient public…
Read MoreDartmouth Hoops Squad Forms Union, Requests Salaries in Pizza Slices and Unlimited Coffee Passes
The Dartmouth Big Green basketball team has officially formed a union. Citing exploitative practices, unreasonable hours, and a concerning lack…
Read MoreFormula 1 Drivers to Wear Capes: Because Speed Needs More Drama
In a move hailed as equal parts bold fashion statement and “did they really just do that?”, Formula 1 drivers…
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Meta Meltdown: Outage Plunges Millions into the Dark Ages of Face-to-Face Communication
Meta platforms (Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp) suffered a catastrophic global outage, plunging millions of users into a horrifying reality: real-life interaction.…
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