Tennis Players Uses Frying Pan When Racket Breaks
Chip ByteleyIn a display of either sheer genius or unhinged brilliance (and possibly a severe lack of sportsmanship), top-seeded tennis player…
Read MoreOppenheimer Blows Up at the Oscars: A Theoretical Exploration of Winning
Oppenheimer not only dominated the nominations but also exploded onto the scene with a significant haul of awards, including Best…
Read MoreEnvironmentalists Praise Oscars for ‘Going Green’ by Recycling Jokes from Previous Years
The 96th Academy Awards took a significant step toward sustainability—not through renewable energy or plastic reduction, but by embracing the…
Read MoreViewer Ratings Skyrocket as Oscars Accidentally Broadcast a Popular Movie Instead of the Ceremony
In an unforeseen turn of events that Hollywood couldn’t have scripted better, this year’s Oscars broadcast took an unexpected detour,…
Read MoreGlobal Confusion as Ramadan Calendar Syncs with Leap Year: An Extra Day of Fasting or Feasting?
Ramadan Dates Shift, Causing Global Confusion and Culinary Chaos A rare cosmic alignment has thrown the global Muslim community a…
Read More5 Indoor Plants Even YOU Can’t Kill (For the Tragically Brown-Thumbed)
Let’s face it, some of us were born with sunshine coursing through our veins, nurturing every living thing we touch.…
Read MoreForget Juice Cleanses, Fasting, and Keto: Photosynthesis is the Hot New Diet Trend
Move over, celery juice and bone broth – there’s a new health craze sweeping the wellness world, and it requires…
Read MoreMachine Gun Journalism: The New Frontier of War Reporting
Polly TickleIn a world where danger zones seem to be multiplying faster than clickbait headlines, war journalism is entering a bold,…
Read MoreEgypt Strikes $8 Billion Deal with IMF: Plans to Invest in Pyramid Schemes
Egypt has secured an $8 billion IMF bailout package and has hinted at a shockingly unconventional investment strategy: pyramid schemes.…
Read MoreTech Company Celebrates International Women’s Day by Developing App That Detects Workplace Sexism with 50% Accuracy
In a move heralded as either “sorta progressive?” or “deeply misguided,” tech startup InnoBros Inc. celebrated International Women’s Day by…
Read MoreCelebrate Women in the Workplace! Businesses Announce “Radical” Initiative Where Women Receive Full Credit… For One Day
In a corporate gesture so patronizing it borders on performance art, businesses worldwide are marking International Women’s Day with a…
Read MoreMexico’s Presidential Palace Door Knocked Down: Protesters Claim They Were Just Looking for the Bathroom
Mexico City awoke to a scene straight out of a slapstick comedy (or a particularly ill-planned coup attempt). The once-imposing…
Read MoreGlobal Corporations Celebrate International Women’s Day by Giving Female Employees 23% Off Work Emails
In a display of corporate feminism that’s as insulting as it is mathematically infuriating, multinational corporations are marking International Women’s…
Read MoreFor International Women’s Day, World Leaders Agree to Swap Roles with Women, Anticipate Global Improvement by Noon
for International Women’s Day world leaders have unanimously agreed to step aside and let women run the show. Expectations are…
Read MoreFor International Women’s Day, World Agrees to Pretend Gender Pay Gap Is Just a Mythical Creature
In a heartwarming display of international cooperation, world leaders have come together this International Women’s Day to announce a groundbreaking…
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