Global Happiness Index Rises After Everyone Agrees to Lower Standards
Chip ByteleyThe world is abuzz with a surprising announcement: the Global Happiness Index has reached an all-time high. The secret to…
Read MoreMan’s Suspiciously Loud Snoring Causes Birds to Migrate Early, Experts Baffled
The small town of Slumberville is experiencing an unprecedented avian anomaly, and the culprit might be a rather unassuming local…
Read MoreTrump Foresees the End of Democracy: ‘If I Win, It’s Game Over, Folks’
Polly TickleIn an ominous declaration that has sent ripples through the political spectrum, former President Donald Trump has made a bold…
Read MoreVatican to Consider Priests in Drag, in Push to Recover Community Trust
In a desperate bid to rehabilitate its tarnished image, the Vatican is reportedly contemplating a radical initiative: allowing priests to…
Read MoreFederal Reserve to Launch Its Own Cryptocurrency, ‘FedCoin’, Backed by National Debt
In a groundbreaking move that’s set to revolutionize the financial landscape, the Federal Reserve has announced plans to launch its…
Read MoreEU to Make Pickup Default Option for Online Orders in Push for Green Shopping
In a landmark move aimed at promoting sustainability and reducing carbon emissions, the European Union is set to introduce regulations…
Read MoreAIPAC Demands “Thoughts and Prayers” Be Classified as a Tax-Deductible Expense
In a move that’s drawing both fierce criticism and begrudging admiration for its sheer audacity, the powerful lobbyist group, AIPAC,…
Read MoreIsraeli Government Scientists Agree: Big Bang Happened on Oct 7, Universe Existed in Void Before Then
In a revolutionary rethinking of cosmological events, Israeli government scientists have officially declared that the Big Bang occurred on October…
Read MoreCeasefire Declared Anti-Semitic by Netanyahu’s Spokesperson
In a move that has raised eyebrows and sparked controversy, a spokesperson for Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has declared the…
Read MoreAustralian Government Teams with Lego for Great Barrier Reef Rebuilding Project
In an audacious and colorful bid to save the Great Barrier Reef, the Australian government has announced a partnership with…
Read MoreBiden Raises $53 Million, Considers Buying Small Country Instead of Campaigning
President Joe Biden has reportedly raised a staggering $53 million for his re-election campaign. However, rumors are swirling that instead…
Read MoreStudy Finds 100% of Humans Addicted to Breathing, Efforts to Quit Prove Fatal
In a groundbreaking discovery sure to send the medical community reeling, a new study has determined that 100% of humans…
Read MoreNRA to Name Hunter Biden ‘Gunowner of the Year’
In a twist that could only happen in today’s political circus, the NRA has decided to name Hunter Biden as…
Read MoreAriana Grande’s “Eternal Sunshine” Shines Like a Solar Flare: Bright, Hot, and Ultimately Blinding
Liv N. LargeAriana Grande’s latest musical endeavor, “Eternal Sunshine,” hits the ears like a relentless wave of Instagram notifications—initially exciting but ultimately…
Read MoreAIPAC Blames Hamas for Israel’s Ceasefire Refusal
In a striking display of narrative control, the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC), U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken,…
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