Biden: “If Nazis Used Missiles Instead of Death Camps, The Holocaust Would’ve Been Acceptable”
Polly TickleIn a statement that has ignited a firestorm of controversy and condemnation, President Joe Biden suggested that if the Nazis…
Read MoreValedictorian Delivers Entire Graduation Speech in Emoji
Chip ByteleyIt was a graduation ceremony unlike any other at Wellington University. As valedictorian Sarah Jones took the stage, the usual…
Read MoreIsrael: “All Efforts Were Made to Prevent Civilian Life”
In a statement that has sent shockwaves through the international community, the Israeli government declared that “all efforts were made…
Read MoreHead of Lettuce Considers Rejoining UK Politics, Expected to Run as Independent
In a surprising twist that has left the British political scene in stitches, the infamous Head of Lettuce, which famously…
Read MoreFact-Checking Now Considered Physical Assault in Texas
In an unexpected twist of legislative creativity, Texas has taken the bold step of redefining reality itself. A newly passed…
Read MoreChinese Military Wraps Up Invasion Practice, World Watches Anxiously
In a display of military might that has sent ripples across the globe, the Chinese military has concluded its latest…
Read MoreBiden to Release All ‘Low-Level’ Murderers, Claims “No Equivalence with Serial Killers”
In a controversial and unprecedented move, President Joe Biden has announced plans to release all “low-level” murderers, arguing that their…
Read MoreUS Census to Include Questions on Netflix Viewing Habits to Better Understand Population Trends
The next time you gear up for a marathon streaming session, remember this: The US Census Bureau might be taking…
Read MoreUS Announces New Foreign Policy: Sanctioning Anyone Who Tries to Hold Us Accountable
In a bold and somewhat baffling move, the United States has unveiled a new foreign policy initiative: sanctioning any international…
Read MoreLindsey Graham Proposes Invasion of Netherlands: “ICC Can’t Arrest Us If We Own Them”
In a spectacular display of international diplomacy, Senator Lindsey Graham has proposed that the United States should invade the Netherlands…
Read MoreFox News to Include ‘Trigger Alerts’ for Unfavorable Economic Forecasts
In a move that blurs the line between news reporting and emotional coddling, Fox News is set to roll out…
Read MoreOfficial Book Club Licenses to be Required in state of Texas
DominickTexas Takes on Literature: State Mandates Official Licenses for Book Club Enthusiasts In a move that’s set off a firestorm…
Read MoreBrooklyn Apartment, Smaller Than Shoebox, Listed for $2 Million (Views of Brick Wall Included)
In a move that defies both logic and the concept of affordability, a real estate listing has sent New York…
Read MoreDublin-New York Omegle Experiment Reopens
After a hiatus marked by controversy and lewd behavior, the Dublin-New York portal has officially reopened, promising a renewed and…
Read MoreGoogle’s Mental Health Masterplan: Wellness Days That Guarantee More Stress
Google, in a display of corporate doublethink that would impress even George Orwell, has unveiled a new mental health initiative…
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