U.S. Says Weapons in Israel Were ‘Only Sort of’ Used Illegally
Polly TickleIn a dazzling display of diplomatic gymnastics, the United States has declared that while its weapons sold to Israel may…
Read MoreGOP Proposes Bill to Outsource Governmental Roles to Russia, Cites ‘Unmatched Efficiency’
The GOP has introduced a groundbreaking bill that proposes outsourcing key governmental roles and responsibilities to Russia, citing “unmatched efficiency”…
Read MoreDemocrats Hope To Turn Tide on Border Security by Literally Doing Nothing
In a move so bewildering that it’s left political commentators gazing at their navels in wonder, the Democratic Party has…
Read MorePhD Required to Operate New Mcdonalds Ice Cream Machines, Says Manufacture
Chip ByteleyForget a simple instruction manual—McDonald’s infamous ice cream machines are about to become significantly less approachable. The manufacturer, in a…
Read MoreIsrael Officials Accuse Joe Biden of Being Hamas Member
In a stunning development that has rocked international politics, Israeli officials have made the shocking claim that U.S. President Joe…
Read MoreAmerica’s ‘Surprise’ Routine Wears Thin as Ally Ignores Ceasefire Pleas
In an all-too-familiar scenario, America’s feigned shock has once again graced international headlines as its closest ally, Israel, dismisses yet…
Read MoreLocal Man Declares Himself “Lord of the Flame”, Demands Tribute in Perfectly Cooked Sausages
In a small suburban town, an unparalleled obsession with grilled delicacies has taken root, creating a bizarre and surprisingly fierce…
Read MoreTikTok Eyes Divine Intervention to Dodge U.S. Legal Hellfire
In an unexpected move that has shaken the pillars of both Silicon Valley and St. Peter’s Basilica, TikTok has announced…
Read MoreBuy One, Starve One Free: The Real Cost of Western ‘Support’ in Famine-Afflicted Lands
In a generous burst of benevolence, Western nations have unveiled their latest aid package for famine-afflicted countries, dubbed the “Buy…
Read MoreU.S. Surprised at Israel’s Long-Announced Rafah Offensive, Pauses Arms At Last
In a stunning turn of events that could only surprise a Rip Van Winkle or a remarkably uninformed mole, the…
Read MoreStudent Protests Homework, Cites “Forced Unpaid Labor” and Violation of “Chill Weekend Time”
In a bold act of defiance against the tyranny of textbooks, a lone student at has ignited a fiery protest…
Read MoreLocal Dad Loses Backyard Grill Dominance to Teen Mastering Viral TikTok Recipes
In a stunning upset shaking suburban barbecues to their stainless steel core, a classic backyard power struggle has taken a…
Read MoreCalifornia High School History Classes to Include Module on Marvel Cinematic Universe
Forget those dusty old textbooks and prepare for history class to level up with a serious dose of superhero power!…
Read MoreFlorida Man Attempts to Use Alligator as Pool Float
In a tale of either supreme bravery or the worst judgment call since someone thought releasing pythons into the Everglades…
Read MoreUSA Proposes ICC Bylaw Amendment: ‘All Charges Are Created Equal, Except When They’re Not’
In a controversial move, the United States administration has proposed an amendment to the International Criminal Court’s (ICC) bylaws, aiming…
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